What is anxiety?

Anxiety is the unpleasant feeling we get when we think that something bad might happen. In everyday speak we call this “feeling worried” or “being nervous”. Anxiety is often accompanied by a host of subtle, or not so subtle, bodily sensations like:

• dizziness,
• difficulty focusing (“brain fog”)
• increased heart rate
• muscle tightness (especially in chest, shoulders, neck, jaw or stomach)
• shortness of breath
• nausea,
• trembling or shaking
• restlessness (feeling unable to sit still)
• sweating
• trouble sleeping

From an evolutionary perspective, anxiety can be seen as an “early warning system” that helps us prepare for possible danger ahead. Having such an alarm is very useful. The problem is when anxiety doesn’t turn off, or when it gets triggered too easily (e.g. when the threats are imagined or exaggerated).

Sometimes, people with anxiety may be able to articulate what the perceived threat is (e.g. being seen as unlikable or uninteresting at an upcoming dinner party, or failing to make a good impression at a meeting at work). At other times we may have no idea what’s causing us to be anxious. This is the case with people suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). In the latter case, it is as if a deep, dark part of our mind feels threatened and reacts with anxiety, but the reasons for the anxiety are hidden from our conscious mind. The resulting anxiety is sometimes called “free floating”.

Too much anxiety can have profoundly negative effects on our life. It can rob us of the pleasure of being alive—which is our birthright—instead, jailing us in a claustrophobic prison of our own making. Long lasting anxiety is closely related to chronic stress, which can make us sicker, age more quickly, and die younger. It’s no fun.

How do people cope with anxiety?

Typically, people respond to anxiety by trying to avoid or mitigate the perceived threat. This can give rise to all sorts of “avoidance” behaviours, such as avoiding social interactions (like that dinner party), avoiding certain places or certain activities (like doing that homework assignment or sitting down to file your taxes—anxiety, as you can tell, plays a massive part in procrastination). When anxiety gets too big, it feels paralyzing. It’s feels too scary to do anything, except to retreat into the perceived safety of the home, the bed, food, alcohol, the internet and ‘fill in the blank’. Anxiety can likely be found at the root of all addictive behaviours.

If avoidance is not possible, and people feel forced to engage with what the perceive as threatening (i.e. to go to work, to engage socially, etc.) they may engage in “controlling” behaviours to attempt to mitigate the threat. The idea goes something like this: “If I do things in a certain way (work hard enough, go through enough scenarios and plans in my head, be on guard enough, etc.) than maybe I can get by”. The problem is that the world is very big, and we are very small. Trying to control what happens in our lives can be a little like a fish trying to control which way the stream is flowing. It is: a) usually destined to fail and b) causes us to be very hard on ourselves (and others) for our apparent failures: “why was I so stupid?”, “if only I had done x instead”, “next time I have to get it just right”, “why can’t my husband/wife/child just be what I want them to be like? They’re messing everything up!”

Writing this section has made me reflect on the many ways in which anxiety has shaped my life, and how, thankfully to a smaller degree, it still does today. How about you?

How can we be less anxious?

Given the basic idea that anxiety is about perceiving some future threat (real or imagined), psychotherapy aims to reduce this threat perception. There are literally hundreds of types of psychotherapies in the world today, and they all approach this problem a little differently (sometimes very differently). Here is a sketch of the most common approaches:

• Cognitive Approaches: These therapies focus on identifying and changing negative thought patterns that contribute to anxiety. By challenging irrational beliefs and replacing them with more balanced thoughts, we can alter our perception of potential threats. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a widely used approach that helps individuals develop coping strategies and change behaviors that perpetuate anxiety.
• Mindfulness Approaches: Mindfulness-based therapies, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), emphasize paying attention to the present moment (as opposed to allowing our minds to carry us away into the future or the past, and thus to anxiety or depression). By learning to use our attention, we learn that thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations are only mental events, to which we can respond with curiosity and acceptance rather than avoidance or overreaction.
• Psychodynamic Approaches: These therapies explore how unconscious processes, early life experiences, and interpersonal relationships influence anxiety. By uncovering underlying conflicts and patterns, psychodynamic therapy aims to bring about insight and resolution, reducing anxiety over time.
• Behavioral Approaches: These therapies focus on changing the actions that feed into anxiety. Exposure therapy, for example, gradually and safely exposes individuals to feared situations or stimuli, helping them build tolerance and reduce avoidance behaviors. Over time, this retrains the nervous system to become less reactive to previously anxiety-provoking situations.
• Somatic Approaches: These therapies work directly with the body to help regulate the nervous system. Since anxiety is as much a bodily experience as a mental one, somatic techniques like breathwork, grounding exercises, movement (such as yoga or dance), and somatic experiencing can help discharge stored tension and promote a sense of physical safety. These approaches emphasize that sometimes healing happens through the body, not just in the mind.

Each of these approaches offers a unique pathway to alleviating anxiety and I plan to discuss each of them (and others) in much more detail in future blogs.

Ultimately, reducing anxiety is a journey that requires patience, courage, self-compassion, and sometimes the support of trained professionals. From personal experience, it is a journey well worth taking.

What have you tried that has helped you? What have you tried that hasn’t? And which of the above approaches are you most curious about?

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If anxiety has been weighing on you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate it by yourself. I offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can talk about your needs and explore how counselling might help.

Let’s start the journey together, Book a Free Consultation